How I Got Here (a.k.a. my overly lengthy Pagan life story)

I'm Jenny Brown, an American who is a Welsh polytheist and witch whose practice is primarily based on Welsh literature, folklore, personal experience/gnosis, and the aforementioned polytheism -- and who writes way too much.  I'm that person who has to go back and delete hundreds of words because I ramble and go into way more detail than anyone actually cares to read. 

 

I discovered Paganism in 2004, have been a dedicant of Rhiannon since 2013, and have identified as a devotional polytheist of Welsh deities since 2016.

​​​​

​

Skip to: Qualifications & Experience

​​​​​​​​​

​​

I grew up Baptist in the Bible Belt Buckle of Oklahoma (for my readers outside the U.S. -- it borders Texas and is "cowboy country").  Despite this upbringing, my initial introduction to the occult and spirits was not through Wicca (although, like many in my "older millennial" generation, that was the first overtly Pagan material I read).  Rather, I was first exposed to the occult and personal interactions with spirits through my Mom, the spirit of my passed Dad, and also via my being approached by one of the Fair Folk (not the Irish ones) at age 13.

 

My Mom was a Baptist Christian (technically my grandmother, I was adopted out of an abusive situation at age 7, and I am not blood-related to my adoptive Dad's side of the family -- we were close, and he was far more a Dad than my abusive birth father ever was; I have strong feelings about blood relation not being a requirement for the bonds of family or for ancestor veneration).  She read the Bible regularly, but she didn't attend church and didn't try to make us do so either, although she encouraged it.  She was the one who taught me how to use Tarot cards, about her own "spirit guide," and about prophetic dreams long before I ever knew "Paganism" was a thing, and long before I knew that witches weren't all Satan-worshipers or that polytheists still existed. My Dad (adoptive one) passed away when I was 12 and haunted us frequently for several years afterwards.  Most people feel creeped out at the idea of being haunted, but I will emphasize that it depends on context and who is haunting you.  Dad's haunting us was very comforting for us in our grief.

 

At that point in my life, the Christian God, angels, demons, and ghosts were the only spirits in my world, so when I first met one of the Fair Folk at 13 in 1998 and asked if he was a ghost (for I had dealt with the ghost of my Dad many times and so had context for that), but got the answer "Not exactly," I was left very confused.  It would be 9 years (because of course it was 9) after that first meeting before I would finally figure out for certain what type of spirit being I was dealing with.  

​

Joining the Military & Discovering Paganism

I was 19 in 2004 when I read my first Pagan book, Raven Grimassi's Spirit of the Witch, while stationed at a military language school in Monterey, California.  There were no Pagan groups there that I knew of, just my roommate who had loaned me the book and my boyfriend at the time.

 

After a bit more reading and taking my time with a gradual start, I began my year and a day (to test out Wicca before more seriously diving into it) in November of 2005, while stationed on an Air Force base in the Republic of Korea, where I was a member of the base's Pagan & Earth-Centered Circle group that met weekly and hosted the typical full moon and wheel of the year sabbats.  

 

Hawai'i & the Transition from Wicca to Devotional Polytheism

From there, I went on to Hawai'i in late 2006, where I was a member of the Schofield Barracks Chalice Circle group and married my awesome husband in 2009 after completing my stint in the military.  I also participated in, and later briefly served as a council member for, Fire Tribe Hawaii (it was only brief because I was forced to move -- military).  I helped to organize medium-sized (40-80 people) public ritual camp gatherings for Autumn Equinox and Winter Solstice with them in 2012 at age 27.

 

For the majority of my six years in Hawai'i (late 2006-early 2013), I was transitioning from a Wiccan worldview to a devotional polytheist one.  I had picked up on the fakelore that was rampant in most Pagan-targeted publications at the time, and having grown disgusted with it, took a years-long hiatus from reading anything from the New Age section of the bookstore and especially anything that was published by Llewellyn.  I opted instead for more scholarly works and primary sources as I could find them (which was difficult, especially since I mostly only got books from physical bookstores at this point in life, and Amazon was not nearly as user-friendly for finding related materials back then as it is now). 

 

I spent a good deal of time exploring Asatru, worshiping and communicating primarily with Freyja and Thor, reading some of the Eddas and Our Troth (I didn't read all of it but mostly focused on material centered on Freyja or Thor). This was prompted by meeting Freya in journey work, where I did not recognize Her and had to ask Her who She was (She seemed surprised I didn't already know). I also read up as much as I could find on Hawaiian polytheism (far easier to find decent sources on while in Hawai'i).  I did not worship or invoke Hawaiian Gods except in a very general sense of paying respects via prayer (especially before hula practice sessions or when visiting sacred areas such as Waimea Falls or Kīlauea).  I thought it was important to honor the Gods and spirits of place there.  But I felt that it was not my place to attempt to take up Hawaiian polytheism, between the history and knowing my time living there would be temporary.  

 

In the latter part of my time in Hawai'i, I also began learning about Welsh mythology, due to an unexpected interaction I had with Rhiannon during, again, a journey -- I did not know who She was at the time either (and unlike with Freya, I had to figure it out for myself, Rhiannon did not just tell me who She is).  My relationship with the Fair Folk further drove this interest in Welsh mythology, as the one I was dealing with told me he was from the part of the Otherworld most closely connected to Britain in ours (which surprised me, because I thought of the Fair Folk as Irish at the time -- learning takes time, y'all).  It wasn't until the end of my time in Hawai'i, in late 2012/early 2013, after I had already been trying to figure out who Rhiannon was, that I realized my Mom's family name of Owens was Welsh.  Our family had always told ourselves we were "probably Irish" -- it wasn't ever really of concern, so I had no idea before that.  I don't think blood relationships or family ancestry are required, or even per se important, in one's religious/spiritual identity -- all that sort of thing is of course very personal and highly contextual.  It can be interesting to learn about one's own lineage background, but it certainly need not be a central factor, or even a factor at all, in determining one's spiritual path.  Shared blood ancestors are a connection, not the connection, as far as connections to a past cultural or spiritual identity are concerned (and it often can be a very weak connection at that).  Also towards the end of my time in Hawai'i, one of my linguistics professors specifically suggested Bangor University (in Wales) to me for further study of linguistics, unsolicited except by his observation of my passion for the subject of linguistics.  ...Things were beginning to point me to Cymru (Wales).

 

Speaking of "them," my relationship with my Fair Folk friend also continued during my time in Hawai'i, our interactions growing more frequent and the relationship becoming closer.  I finally thought to point-blank ask him what he was in 2007 and got an answer I, by then, had a tiny bit of context to try to understand.  Just to drive it home, his identity was further confirmed during a journey conversation I later had with Thor, where Thor called him an elf.  (This association blew my mind at the time.)  I was invited by my oldest Fair Folk friend to visit the Otherworld for the first time in 2010.  An invitation I took him up on.  We'll just say that I've been jumping that hedge regularly ever since. 

 

Maryland & Cymru (Wales)

Then we had to move again (as military people are prone to do), and I found myself in Maryland, where I've been domiciled since mid-2013.  It was after moving to Maryland that I dedicated myself to Rhiannon and started seriously diving more into Welsh mythology and culture.  I had Patrick Ford's translation of the Mabinogi and Hanes Taliesin, but other sources were proving difficult to find.  Welsh authors and teachers like Mhara Starling and Gwilym Morus-Baird had not yet been published or begun their public work, and Kristoffer Hughes hadn't published much yet at that time.  (He had just published From the Cauldron Born in 2012, but I did not know about it, or about him as an author, because I was still avoiding the New Age section of the bookstore and especially anything published by Llewellyn at this time.)  So I did the closest thing I could find to a Welsh-focused Paganism and started the Bardic grade of the OBOD curriculum in 2014, when it was still on physical CDs.  Plunging the depths of academia in search of credible sources also led me into the Brythonic and Gaulish Reconstructionist communities, where I still maintain loose ties to this day.  My needs for interaction with other Pagans in-person were met when I joined the Coven of the Green Moon in Virginia (it was quite the 2.5~3-hour drive from my home in Maryland), also in 2014.

 

Then it was off to Cymru (Wales) for a year from 2015 to 2016 to undertake my master's degree in Linguistics at Bangor University in Gwynedd, and despite the major frustrations I had with some of the more red-tape administrative aspects of my stay, it was still nothing short of a magical place and a wonderful experience.  I had the fortune of staying by myself in a lovely little whitewashed cottage at the top of a hill (conveniently pre-equipped with a horseshoe over the front door and a crucifix left hanging in the closet when I moved in). 

My front door was quite the daddy longlegs gathering place (the adorable kind that are just a little black circle with spindly hair-thin lines for legs).  This freaked out my human friends, and I was soon greeting them when I came home and calling my entryway the "Daddy Longlegs Convention of Wales."  I mean like a dozen or more daddy longlegs on and around my front door at a time.  No, I did not notice them anywhere else, not inside the house or my own backyard or even just around the front garden -- they all crowded up and hung around the entryway, specifically, for some reason.  My cottage was directly across the street from a sheep farm, and I could see a lovely view of the Menai Strait and her beautiful blue bridge over to Ynys Môn (Anglesey) from there.  I will always have fond memories of jogging across that bridge, looking down to whirlpools and white swans, passing the tiny waterfalls as I went further along the road, and exploring the wooded trail in Coed Cyrnol tucked behind the Waitrose parking lot just on the other side of the Pont Menai near Ynys yr Eglwys Tysilio. 

 

I spent that year -- in the Pagan sense -- trying to resuscitate the Bangor University Earth Religions student club, participating with the local OBOD grove, Cân y Gwynt, and attending a powerful Calan Mai camp with a group whose name I don't know that I'm allowed to share publicly.  I did have the rare (for an American, at least) opportunity of listening to Ronald Hutton speak there, although the people who ran the camp and were regular attendees were the ones who stuck with me the most; I still hope to be able to go back and camp with them again some day.  I technically met Kristoffer Hughes during my time in Bangor at an informal public Pagan moot/meet-up at one of the local pubs, but I did not know who he was at the time except that I had heard he was the head of the Anglesey Druid Order.  I was already in OBOD, and at the time I figured one Druid order at a time was probably enough besides my university studies.  I do not remember what Mr. Hughes said, but I remember he had quite the force of personality and seemed to know what he was talking about.  I still hadn't read any of his works yet at this time.

 

I returned to Maryland and to the Coven of the Green Moon for 2017-2019.  I (finally!) got pregnant in 2018 after almost exactly 9 years of marriage (there's that 9 again... and it was a Winter Solstice present pregnancy, no less), and spent the majority of the following year very ill, followed by a late 2019 consumed by caring for a newborn and post-partum complications, which didn't leave much energy leftover for further spiritual growth, so things stagnated. 

​

A Dark Night of the Soul & Breakthrough to Now

Regarding my Llewellyn Publications & bookstore New Age section dry period, it lasted about 8 years.  Since I was no longer paying attention (and I wasn't really using social media), I was unaware of the growing backlash across the Pagan community, who were also noticing and growing frustrated with the trend of fakelore, against this sort of intellectual dishonesty that really picked up steam starting around 2012 or so.  I didn't become aware of this movement that I was unknowingly a part of, and the resulting incremental improvement in the quality of Pagan-targeted publications, until 2020 (and we all know how that year went). 

 

I was having a serious dark night of the soul at this time, spiritually speaking.  I hadn't been practicing much during my pregnancy and first several months after the birth, I was still very much in analytic academia mode from my masters degree which had me questioning if hard materialism really was all there is, and I was hitting the same wall as always -- the difficulty of finding authentic sources to ground actual practice -- when I tried to get more active again after I finally recovered from my post-partum complications.  My sense of disconnect was compounded by the fact that I did not journey to Annwfn at all during my entire pregnancy -- I had heard too many warnings against that kind of thing to risk it.

 

I was questioning all of my spiritual experiences, which was terrifying, given all the very in-depth and detailed spirit and journey experiences I'd had by this point.  I had tried so hard for so many years.  I had studied and read so much and still felt like I hadn't found what I needed to make my actual practice something connected to my Gods and the culture and people and land of Cymru that I had fallen in love with while I was there.  I was seriously depressed (post-partum depression, post-partum complications that ended up requiring surgery, plus family members' health declines simultaneously happening were also a factor) and wondering if I should just give up trying to be a Pagan after 15 years.  But I didn't want to give up on it and could not shake the reality of my experiences no matter how afraid I was that they weren't real, especially since some of those experiences had other human witnesses who shared the same experience. 

 

So I finally accepted that I couldn't do it alone and prayed to Rhiannon about it, resolving to give up on it if I got no response -- not as some kind of ultimatum, but just from exhaustion and overwhelming doubt.  And then... an explosion of credible sources suddenly flooded in.  I happened to find one of Kristoffer Hughes' books at the book store when I unintentionally wandered into the previously self-forbidden New Age section (it was The Book of Celtic Magic).  When I saw it, I thought, "Hey, I met him in Bangor.  I didn't know he wrote a book."  It was a literal Goddess-send.  

 

At almost the same time I discovered, from a seemingly random link (on Facebook or YouTube of all places, I think it was), IPS (Irish Pagan School), run by Lora O'Brien -- their scholarship and dedication to their school is top notch, and they are an invaluable resource for those interested in the Irish path.  At first, I thought it was just another New Age quack selling their personal-gnosis-as-history to their devoted following of acolytes, but I was pleasantly surprised to find that there is a great deal of real research and hard work and centering of Irish voices (and not just that of the founder) at IPS.  I would recommend their school to anyone seeking out Irish sources.  (There is also Lora's YouTube channel, and here is the school's YouTube channel with tons of free content and advice.) 

 

Literally just a few weeks later, I discovered Welsh scholar Dr. Gwilym Morus-Baird's YouTube channel, and then he rebooted his online classes at Celtic Source (both highly recommended; his work is just stellar and the atmosphere he creates is warm and welcoming while simultaneously not just accepting any random misinformation/assumptions or allowing for misappropriation).  Another Goddess-send.

 

Via IPS, I found Morgan Daimler's works on the fae -- they are American but do intense work in researching especially the Irish and Scottish Fair Folk, and to a lesser extent the fae of other cultures.  Here is Morgan's Patreon, Living Liminally blog, Messages from the Unseelie Side blog, and YouTube channel.  They pump out writing like a printing press, and while they don't have much to say about Welsh Fair Folk in specific, their work still addressed enough on the topic of fae interactions in general that it literally saved me from the part of my depression where I was seriously questioning the reality of my fae experiences.  Way too many things matched, or at least lined up similarly, to be coincidence. 

 

Even other Pagans will look at you sideways when you say you've interacted with "fairies."  Usually, it's the passive nod, "uh huh," and their eyes glaze over... or flicker with derision.  Other times, it can get quite hurtful.  Either way, very few people take it seriously, and one learns very quickly not to bring it up.  It gets lonely.  It also can sometimes get very difficult with so little community to do reality checks with, because if there's a motto to human experiences in the fae sector of the Otherworld, it's "shit gets weird."  So, suffice to say, Daimler's works were also a Goddess-send.

 

Not much later, the wonderful Mhara Starling started her Patreon and YouTube channel, and published Welsh Witchcraft.  All of which I cannot recommend highly enough.  And now she's already released her next book, Welsh Fairies, which has me over the moon with bursting bubbles of giddy excitement!  Mighty, mighty neeeeed!

 

Suddenly, I was flooded with credible Welsh sources (and Irish sources too, invaluable for both comparative studies and for attempting to respectfully engage with that culture that is so often exoticized and commoditized).  Sources that I could only dream of before, each also full of gloriously long and scholarly credible sources and bibliographies to scour.  I have been studying these sources and applying what I learn to my practice ever since. 

 

It's almost as if... I finally asked, and then I received.  Like, I can almost see Rhiannon pointing everywhere around, "There," "there," "there," "oh also there..."  (I'm still learning to do this whole 'asking for help' thing. It's getting better.)

​

Finally getting back into being an active member of a Pagan group was on hold there for a couple of years, as it was for many of us, due to COVID.  And while I will always be a member of the Coven of the Green Moon, and it will always hold a special place in my heart, the amount of time it takes me to get there from where I live is just no longer doable for me, and so I am now an inactive member. 

 

I joined Frederick CUUPS in Maryland after attending the Pagan Pride Day they hosted in September of 2022, and I have been an active member there since then. 

​

Which brings us roughly to the present. 

​

And that, as they say, is that. 

(If you get that reference, you make me smile. Also, you're a nerd, like me!)

​

​

​

Qualifications & Experience

The value of this sort of thing is totally up to the eyes of the beholder, but I'm an academic and a nerd (in case my sources page wasn't a hint), and that has always been a part of who I am -- a part of my identity -- ever since childhood. When I decide I am going to study something, I pour myself into it with a strong seriousness and effort. 

 

So here it is, for those who care to know.

​

​

Relevant Courses & Classes Completed

1. Bangor University, Bangor, Gwynedd, Cymru (Wales)

   • Master of Arts: Linguistics (in-person/on-site)​

2. Celtic Source: multi-class courses by Welsh scholar Dr. Gwilym Morus-Baird (I did these back before he began granting certificates for completion, so will have to complete them again in order to get the certificates.)

   • Mabinogi​​

   • The Native Tales

   • The Three Romances

   • The Welsh Fair Folk

3. Under the Ancient Oaks: multi-class courses by American OBOD druid John Beckett

   • Operative Magic – Theory, Strategy, and Practice (Course 3)

   • Introduction to Pagan Spiritual Practice – A Polytheist Approach (Course 5)

   • Intermediate Spiritual Practice (Course 6)

   • Pagan Monasticism as a Solitary Practitioner (Course 7)

4. Potomac Seidr Guild Ondvegisulur

   • Beginning Oracular Seidhr​

5. Seo Helrune: classes and workshops by English Heathen Cat Heath​

   • A Witch Who Cannot Hex, Cannot Heal

6. Glasse Witch Cottage: classes and workshops by American Heathen mystic and witch Irene Glasse​

   • Effective Spellcasting​ Tutorial

   • Devotional Paganism

7. Keeper of the Old Ways: classes and workshops by American healing arts practitioner Lauren Koch​

   • Ritual Jewelry

8. Irish Pagan School​: classes by Irish Draoi Lora O'Brien and other Irish Pagans & scholars

   • Introduction to Irish Paganism

   • A Practical Guide to Irish Spirituality​

   • Irish Pagan Practice

   • 10 Steps to Irish Paganism

   • Decolonising Your Druidry & Spiritual Practice

​

Courses Currently In-Progress

1. University of Wales Trinity Saint David

   • Masters of Arts: Celtic Studies​ (online/distance)

     • Courses (Instructor's Name): 

       • The Celts: Origins to Modern Era (Andrew Currie)

       • Celtic Arthur and the Mabinogion Tales (Jane Cartwright)

       • Celtic Revivals (Rhys Kaminski-Jones)

       • Women in the Middle Ages: Sources from the Celtic Regions (Jane Cartwright)​

2. Urdd Derywddon Môn/Anglesey Druid Order: Welsh Druidry order headed by Kristoffer Hughes

   • Awenydd Membership Course (online/distance)

3. Celtic Source: courses by Welsh scholar Dr. Gwilym Morus-Baird

   • The Taliesin Tradition​​

4. Mhara Starling: courses by Welsh witch Mhara Starling​ via her Patreon

   • Learn Welsh via Myth, Legend, and Lore​

   • Welsh Deities

5. Commonwealth Holistic Herbalism: Herbalism school in Boston, Massachusetts, US, offering courses and clinicals that fulfill the requirements for becoming a Registered Herbalist with the American Herbalists Guild.​

   • Family Herbalist​

6. OBOD (Order of Bards, Ovates, & Druids):

   • Bardic Grade (someday I will finish this!)

7. Blackfeather Mystery School: Witchery school founded by Irene Glasse (who also heads the Frederick, Maryland CUUPS and blogs at Glasse Witch Cottage) and Caine Dreamwalker​

   • Magpie Training​

​

Events Experience

1. Fire Tribe Hawaii (group now disbanded) council member; helped organize camp gatherings for 40-80 people for Autumn Equinox and Winter Solstice 2012, and Spring Equinox 2013 (2012-13).

2. Ran the Bangor University (Gwynedd, Wales) Earth Religions Society (student club), organized meetings, booth/table at the university student club expo (Serendipity) & holiday market, 101-level classes, rituals, movie nights, parties, and invited group members to present on their paths throughout the academic year (2015-16).

3. Fredericksburg, Virginia Pagan Pride Day staff/volunteer (2018).

4. Frederick CUUPS dragon (staff/volunteer) helping with various events such as rituals, PPD, Pride (LGBTQ+), and the annual Masquerade Ball (2022-present).

5. Mari Lwyd of Severn 2022: Singing in Cymraeg (Welsh) and blessing The Crystal Fox metaphysical shop in Laurel, Maryland

6. Mari Lwyd of Severn 2023:

   • Fells Point Krampuslauf Parade & Toys-for-Tots Charity Drive in Baltimore, Maryland

   • Howard County History Museum Fundraiser "13 UnMerry Monsters" (history presentation on various Christmas-to-New Year's customs around the world involving monsters or things we perceive as scary), singing in Cymraeg (Welsh)

   • Singing in Cymraeg (Welsh) and blessing La Lune metaphysical shop in Hagerstown, Maryland

   • Singing in Cymraeg (Welsh) and blessing Crystals, Candles, & Cauldrons metaphysical shop in Baltimore, Maryland 

​

Pagan Group Membership

1. Pagan & Earth-Centered Circle, Osan Air Base, Republic of Korea, 2005-2006 (participant)

2. Chalice Circle, Schofield Barracks, O'ahu, Hawaii, 2006-2012 (participant)

3. Fire Tribe Hawaii (currently inactive), O'ahu, Hawaii, 2008-2012 (participant), 2012-2013 (council member)

4. Bangor University Earth Religions Society (student club; currently inactive), Bangor, Gwynedd, Wales, academic year 2015-2016 (chair)

5. Cân y Gwynt OBOD grove, North Wales, 2015-2016 (member)

6. Coven of the Green Moon, Virginia, 2014-2020 (member), 2017-2020 (council member), 2020-present (inactive member)

7. Frederick CUUPS, Maryland, September 2022-present (member; dragon)

​

Courses Led

1. Various intro-level/Paganism 101 courses at Bangor U Earth Religions Society 2015-2016 

2. Beginner/Survival Welsh Language Study Group 2023

3. Mari Lwyd Workshop at Fertile Ground Gathering, Virginia, Beltane 2023

4. Mari Lwyd Workshop at Frederick CUUPS, Maryland, December 2023

5. A Tale of Two Dragons: The Symbolism of the Red Dragon of the Celtic Nation of Wales (Y Ddraig Goch) at Fertile Ground Gathering, Virginia, Beltane 2024

​

​

​

 

​